U. Mahesh Prabhu

Investor | Author | Media, Management & Political Consultant

Until “divorce” do us apart…

According to Indic faiths, nothing in life is eternal; change is the only constant. So, no matter how much – ever – we try, all that we’ve made or gathered is bound to perish. Since life is bound to perish – eventually – our philosophies teaches us to live in our present; neither brooding about the past nor by worrying about the future. Present is the only truth for “wise”; which we thought we were. Yet, while there has been concept of marriage in Indic thought for ages – divorce, however, was never instituted, until recently. Was this incidental or accidental? One can only speculate.

Marriage is a wonderful concept in Indic view of life. It’s not a bonding between two couples for physical and psychological intimacy to produce offspring. It’s much beyond. All that marriage ceremonies, which are today done with much splendour and pomp, emphasise on unification of couples for not just this life but for many more lives to come. For Hindus death isn’t the end; but just the beginning. Life is a cycle. Just as the water from the ocean turns to clouds which then pours on land as sea and eventually reaches back to the sea; life is cycle of birth and death. That which is dead is bound to born and that is born is bound for death – until it achieves “Moksha” (liberation).

Marriage in India, until recently, happened to be most successful affair. Divorce rates were significantly lower. It was as if happy married life was a virtual reality in the subcontinent. But then with advent of media, dark sides of marriages began to be portrayed. Media thrives on negative news; namely crime and sex. Inhuman treatments like domestic violence and dowry harassment caught the media frenzy and it was portrayed by them as if these were happening at every second house in the country. “Women” they declared, “are the oppressed class.” When this reached the law makers, they, to appeal to their women voters they enacted laws to “protect their interests”. A significant campaign to educate the masses about the evils of dowry and domestic violence were brought in , and right so.  But then, it didn’t stop there.

To “liberate the oppressed women” they were asked to “think beyond” homemaking. They were persuaded to take their career “more seriously”. Women’s “empowerment” bodies began propagating “virtues” of a “working women”. They made their audience to believe that working women made more sense than a housewives. A great portion of urban women bought this idea. Nothing wrong! But then, “housewives” were declared disgraced; as if they were good for nothing!

Even though women were deeply respected in Hindu pantheon. Lakshmi (goddess of wealth), Saraswathi (goddess of knowledge) and Kali (goddess of destruction) were women. Yet, newly arrived feminists with no sense of this country’s past along with completely adulterated history began distorting facts to press their bizarre points. Besides, ridiculing age old tested system of joint families.

It’s not to say that vices of dowry or domestic violence was untrue. But to cripple the age old traditions of families, including housewives who cared and nurtured the entire family besides bringing up kids with love and affection, made no sense. If we’ve a gangrene in our hands or limbs we might – at worst – get it amputated. Killing the body, makes no sense. Or does it?

What we’ve today in India is a perfect recipe for chaos. Husband and wives both slog their ass of, while their kids are put in hands of maids (who are often found putting them to sleep with sedatives) since grandparents, who originally nurtured the kids, are dropped at old age homes. Kids are given substantial “pocket money” but are given little or no values.

Even though a great many divorces today are on “consensual basis”; it’s not to suggest that it’s done “happily” with sincere mutual consent. Today women tend to misuse (or abuse?) anti-dowry as well as anti-domestic violence laws to their benefits. If sources are to be believed: over 72% of dowry and domestic violence cases that are filed in India are found to be false. The very women, who once stood as the foundation of Indian families by sacrificing their personal gains are ruining it. Why? Sacrificing oneself for the sake of family, today, is a bizarre idea. That is to be despised. And who is to be blamed?

If personal sacrifices (material) are to be considered insane; then one must wonder if all the soldiers guarding ones nation are to be called insane too. Sacrifice has been the hallmark of civilizations. Great men and women have always been hailed for their sacrifices which has helped civilizations to sustain and prosper. Without sacrifices there has never be any glory; in absence of sacrifice(s) there have been only chaos.

If a marriage isn’t working; one must – at first – try his/her level best to make it work. Divorce is too serious a resolve to be taken in haste. Foundations of any society, state or nation are their families. You can tell how strong a nation is based on the family bonding and values. Ancient nations like that of India and Israel have survived for years only owing to their strong family values. It won’t be wrong to suggest that perfect destruction of a nation is surely underway when its family values are being eroded. No greatness exist where virtues of selflessness and sacrifices are mocked. Charity begins at home; so does chaos for a nation.

It is much easier for a women to be in family court than men. Why? Judges were particularly soft towards women than men. The judiciary which is supposed to be indifferent is often found otherwise. Lawyers are even worse. They had no intentions to understand the pains of their clients. Their only motive was to prolong the case and prolong the verdict so as to swindle more money from bickering couples. Yet, their clients put their contempt for these lawyers aside to put an end to their marriage. I’ve often thought that marriage would work better if the same amount of patience shown to these lawyers by divorce seeking individual was endowed upon ones spouse.

Yet every day in and out we find stories of more and more people entering courtrooms to end marriages for all silly reasons. I could still understand if reasons for divorce if allegations like adultery, domestic violence, dowry etc. were real. I’m not saying that men are always innocent but then this society has survived thousands of years not because of men. If both, men and women, are acting against the interest of their family how could society survive?

Since joint families barely exist; greater families have little or no say during divorces. Most of the time when men and women are divorced they stay separately with their parents severing all communications with their larger family (grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins etc.). Sometime they don’t disclose such facts to many! They are in no mood for their “lectures”; but are very fine when they’ve a chance to show off forth them.

So where does this all lead to? Think. Think again.

Author | Investor | Painter | Media, Management & Political Consultant

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